Today has been decent so far except last night I had a terrible night. I fell asleep after having a ptsd attack thingy and so I of course had that on my mind. I had horrible dreams about the crash and just plain old nightmares. I woke up periodically through the night and then I woke up at like ten and couldn’t fall back asleep. I was up for the day. I calmed myself down and got some food. I ate a cookie and yogurt. What a wonderful diet I have.
Then after a few hours of just relaxing we went out and went to Best Buy. I bought a kindle 7 because I needed to upgrade my old one from like 2014 finally. It was $20 off so I took advantage of that. It’s really cool you can also play games and watch stuff on it. Also it’s in color. I saw something where u could download PokémonGo on it but that didn’t work. That’s fine because I love it anyways. Then on the way to the vape shop I started to get all panicky and I made up an excuse that my stomach hurt and I had to go to the bathroom. It did so I wasn’t lying. I said I needed to stop or something because I just wanted out of the car. My bf still doesn’t know that. So yeah when I got back I laid down, watched some Tik Toks and just breathed. That’s was terrible because I was all alone because my bf went back out. I honestly don’t remember what and how I calmed myself down.
We then watched the football game and we won so that was cool. I’m not a huge football or sports fan but I like spending time with my bf even if it’s watched football. After that we left to go to his grandparents place and we stayed there for like an hour and a half. And then we decided or at least I did that we were going to play PokémonGo. We had to go home and get the charger port and also stop and put gas in so we headed back. And later down in this post I mentioned that the square in my bfs town had the winter wonderland kickoff tonight and so there were fireworks and the light display was up and everything well the church there set up a nativity scene and they had live animals! A camel, a donkey, a sheep and a goat!! We didn’t stop but omg they were adorable.
It surprised me when I looked over and saw a huge ass camel. Guess what we did on the way to go play Pokémon after stoping at a gas station and his house we parked and got to pet them. I was super excited and I got tons of pictures. I’m gonna post some later tonight on my Instagram so if you want to check that out that would be where it’s at. @em_and_anxiety
Yeah then we went on our way to go play Pokémon and I got a shiny!!! A shiny tentacool so that made my night. We haven’t went playing for a while. Then I got anxious a bunch of times. Every time we turn the car I squeeze whatever I am holding, and my chest gets all tight. So that isn’t fun at all. Then a cop followed up and that made my anxiety worse and so I asked to go back luckily he was done kinda too. We also did a raid, completed some special research tasks and beat some team rocket grunts. It was a productive night. When we got back home my bf started playing fortnite with one of his online friends and I went to bed. My neck is currently hurting right now from me being tense. I’m most likely going to take a shower now.
We are on the way to my bfs family thingy for his grandparents. I am currently having anxiety but I am glad we don’t have to drive to his aunts which I am so happy about. Right in the middle of writing this we saw fireworks. They lit up the Christmas wonderland thing on the square. I hate the smell of the fireworks. But we picked up pizza and we ate almost to his grandparents house. My throat is right, my head hurts and I’m freezing. I hate driving so much and now I have to deal with people. It’s fine though, I will be fine.
I not fine right now. I just woke up from falling asleep. I think I fell asleep at like one, idk. I woke up just from that and now I feel like I’m gonna puke. I am all jittery and restless. I feel anxious and I can’t stop it or like acknowledge it. I tried that and it wouldn’t work. My hands and feet are all tingly. I’m thinking i might take a shower. My boyfriend hasn’t noticed yet so we will see how long that takes. He is playing Fortnite and has been this whole time. My head still is pounding. I got a headache when we were at driving to give grandparents and it hasn’t gone away. I feel like I can’t breathe, my chest is tight and I can’t swallow. Just all my normal things. I am just focusing on writing this and telling myself that I’m okay and this will all just pass. I want to go back to bed but I don’t think that’s gonna happen anytime soon. I tried that and I started to freak out more. Oh and I’m extremely hot right now. It’s so weird I’m either really cold or hot. Oh and buddy my bfs cat came up to me and literally head butted me and wouldn’t stop. He did that for like a couple minutes. It calmed me down for a second. He’s was probably thinking like you stupid human and your anxiety or something like that. I’m gonna finish telling you about my day to try and distract me. It’s currently four in the morning and luckily I don’t work tomorrow.